You know the funny thing about good friends? They know when you are in crises. And the funny thing about good husbands? They make the call when you’re too weak to, or when you cannot admit that it needs to be made.
Now as controversial as this may all sound, it has all been extremely beneficial and positive in my life! If I hadn’t had that short stint of employment, I never would have had the kick up the arse that I needed to get my own business back off the ground… One week in and I already have three new clients! If I hadn’t had that mental health breakdown I never would have realised how attentive my husband actually is… even as we live interstate from each other. He made the call to the right body of people and got me the help that I (wouldn’t admit that I) needed. I also wouldn’t have realised how amazing my friends are.
One of my girlfriends was on my doorstep within half an hour, ushering me out the door to have some relief time as she put my kids to bed and I managed to get myself to my happy place, where I could inhale fresh ocean breezes and adore the beauty of the full moon.
It’s come to my attention this past month also that I am but a speck in this world. Seeing the images of dead Syrian refugees flood my social media newsfeed shocked me, and brought me into a fit of ugly tears in the doctors waiting room.
My children have seen all my ugliness this last month – but they’ve also learned how to ask for help, as they’ve witnessed me doing this. They’ve learned through me that pride has its place, but sometimes it needs to be allowed to be knocked over by that kind hand reaching out to give love and support. They’ve also learned that it’s okay to cry ugly tears… that ugly tears, the ones full of yesterdays mascara and last weeks hurts are the most healing kind of tears.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask my children for their forgiveness.
And all of these lessons will be ongoing. And they’re going to hurt even more next week than they do today.
And all of this realisation was triggered by this… the last minute school-party-plan. When I picked my son up from school this afternoon I was kindly informed that I have to make 15 packets of sushi for his school party tomorrow. No wait, I have to make two dozen cupcakes. No not cupcakes. No I want you to bring in cheerios. With tomato sauce. No actually I want hot dogs.
What the actual farrrrrrk?
Then I receive an email from his teacher, outlining what the kids have to take in… TOMORROW. So I figure banana bread is kind of cupcakey’ish (the thing that my son has been set to provide for his class in 12hrs time)… and this is the result. Fucking coconut sugar everywhere.
But instead of crying. I laughed. And poured myself a glass of red.
Cause I’ve got this shit. Hells yes. I’ve got it.